An open letter from Sachin - An imagination

Dear fans,

                      I am saddened as I write this letter for disappointing you with the series loss against England and my performance isn’t what you have always expected of me. I have always given my best for the team, but the results are not in my favor this time around. People are clamoring for my retirement and I can’t agree more with them. I have not been up to the standards that I have set for myself through the years and I am indeed answerable to the fans.

I apologize to all the fans, for my dismal performances, and for failing you time and again. Many people think that I have grown complacent and taking things for granted. But I can assure you that I have been following my routines right from the day I made my debut till today. Nothing has changed, neither the preparation nor the mind-set. Maybe, age is finally catching up to me, the dreaded phenomena which I have been trying to keep out for the major part of the last five years. I have been training harder to keep myself fit and strong in order to be able to give my best.

Cricket has been my calling right from a young age. I still remember the day me and Vinod were playing together in Harris-Shield trophy, where we put up a 600 run partnership. The immense enjoyment of being on the field, all day long, with my best friend was all I could dream about for the next few days. That was the day when I decided to play cricket for the rest of my life, for I loved it like anything, more than food, chocolates, bicycles- things that a fourteen year old could long for.

People started taking notice of me, for my performances on the field, and I was touted to play for India, or so people said. I vividly remember this one time, when I was still playing club cricket, Sunil Gavaskar gifted me with a set of ultra light pads, the ones which I wore during my debut match. I was so humbled by that gesture and it pumped me up to give my best.

It was dream come true for me, when I got selected for the Pakistan series. I was very nervous, and being the youngest player in the squad didn’t help much. Srikkanth bhai was my captain back then who gave me enough support and chances. I was lucky enough to rub shoulders with some of the legends. That was the first time I got injured, by a bouncer from Imran Khan. He was bowling quite well, and I was lazy enough to get hit by a bouncer. My nose started bleeding and I felt like I was going to faint. I was only a kid at that time, who wanted to cry out loud, for the pain was unbearable, though I kept playing.

It was quite frustrating in the beginning, since I did not have a person in my age-group to talk to and spend some time. Even players who made their debut after me were elder to me by at least five years and I felt very lonely. Senior players referred to me as “bacchoo” and I felt embarrassed, even to have small talks with other players. Since I was not yet eighteen, I had strict rules and restrictions. For the better part of my day, I was left alone which was blessing in disguise, for I was able to practice my shots freely.

But things changed, once I started getting some runs. Teammates started taking liking me and I started earning their respect. It was smooth ride, after that and I began improving and the change was evident from my game. I was in a happy place, enjoying each and every day of life, practicing cricket, day in and day out.

In my quest of being a champion cricketer, I did miss out on mundane human happiness, which I was able to see only in the movies. I never had the pleasure to hang out with my friends, did not get a chance to attend proper college or got to experience the other whims of being a teenager. I was completely focused on cricket. Yes, I do not regret that for the kind of stardom I have achieved, but there is a small nagging in my heart, longing for those small moments off the field, moments I would never be able to cherish in my life.

My journey was extremely fulfilling, even though I missed being with my family, the only other regret I could possibly have. I have never led a common man’s life, having had to disguise myself whenever I go out. I have met some crazy fans in this incredible journey, and it’s any man’s pride to be able to associate with their fans and I have tried to do that whenever and wherever possible. I might not have been able to fulfill every fan’s wishes and I apologize if I had hurt someone without my knowledge.

The most testing times of my career were from the year 2004 onwards, where I was forced to deal with multiple injuries and lack of form. I was advised not to use a heavy bat, but I persisted nevertheless for the kind of balance I was getting from those. But, I fell victim to some uncharacteristic injuries which put me out of contention for almost five years. I had to put up with constant pain on my elbows and shoulders. Probably, I should have been more circumspect about injuries from the beginning. I had to endure too much pain while batting, and my hands were not the same anymore. I had to cut down my shots, for which I became famous for. I had to be more defensive, had to look for runs in singles and doubles, shots which used to fetch me boundaries were very tough, for the injuries took control of my body. I do not complain though, for injuries are a part and parcel in any sport.

Meanwhile, we reached the finals of the 2003 world cup, where we lost in the finals. I was very dejected for missing a golden opportunity. It was my dream to hold the coveted world cup someday, and I missed it by a hair’s breadth. It was an emotionally draining tournament, but we enjoyed it as a team as we strove towards the same goal, to win a world cup. The boys were very eager to achieve and the hunger was visible in every one’s eyes. It was hard to lose like that, after going through each and every match with renewed determination, coming back stronger after every encounter. When we won Kenya in the semi-finals, I thought god has scripted this world cup for us. But we were wrong and it cost us a world cup. 2007 world cup turned out to be a complete disaster, and I thought that I would never be able to win a world cup, since age was catching up with me and I was not sure whether I would be able to last another world cup, forget winning it.

But both happened, thanks to a rejuvenated Indian team, which had some promising talents mixed with some seniors. I was pretty confident of our chances and Dhoni at the helm was absolutely perfect. Only thing that mattered was the performance. We did it finally, at my home- the home of Indian cricket. The final was one of the toughest matches I have ever played in. I did not expect to lose my wicket like that, and memories of the 2003 world cup were coming back to me in gushes. It was quite a hard task to control my tears as I went inside the dressing room berating myself for losing a chance to win a world cup finally.

I was so sure that a repeat of the 2003 final was on, but MS and Gauti played well, and well, you do know what happened after that. The tears of dismay turned into tears of happiness as I was jumping up and down like a ten year old. I was on cloud nine, and my happiness knew no bounds. It was a sense of fulfillment getting a chance to hold the cup after 22 years of struggle.

But the real struggle was after the world cup, where I had to suffer through another lean patch, which I am going through till today. People wanted me to go, now that I have gotten my wishes fulfilled. They said it was the right time for me to retire, since my dream has been achieved. But, I felt I can contribute more to the cause of the Indian team. The team needs some good youngsters to fill the places of seniors when we retire, and someone should be there to guide them, or so we felt. It might be a wrong decision but it was for the greater good. Perhaps we were wrong, when we heard the “the seniors are selfish to block the place of talented youngsters!”

Our only thoughts were about setting the team up for the youngsters, getting the tough tours to England and Australia out of the way, so that the youngsters can have a smoother path into the test team. But we did not consider our own problems, which were the roots of our own destruction.

It was a tough time for us after Australia, losing both VVS and Rahul. It brought me back down to earth, and I started contemplating retirement. But I had some solace after the century against Bangladesh, though we were unlucky to lose the match. Two series later, we were facing the same predicament against England at home and it was humiliating to lose the series. It was a nightmare for us, having had to endure the cricket crazy fans reaction. People started on my retirement again, claiming that I was selfish and I had to go sooner rather than later.

I have to admit that I am a bit selfish, for I have been playing the game for the better part of my life. I have not known anything other than cricket. Every day I wake up to take up a bat and I sleep after arranging my kit bags. It has been a penance for the last 25 years and it would be hard for me to just give up everything. Retirement would be equal to death for me, as I have lived cricket all my life. Frankly, I do not know what to do with myself once I retire. Will I be able to secure a job as a TV commentator, a trend that has been catching up with some former players or would I be a successful coach?? Nothing pleases me like playing cricket and I am not sure whether I am up for other things in life. I have watched many players retiring, but I never had to think about how they would have felt while retiring. It was an irrelevant thought, a few years back, but now I know how exactly each of them would have felt.

I know it’s time for me to go, but as a fellow Indian, I ask this of you dear fans; I am not able to let go of cricket after all these years, and even talking about it makes me feel worse. I just need some time to sort my life out, to decide on what to do with myself once I retire. I am not here for the fame or for the records but for the passion that I had and I have for this game right from the day I picked up a bat. I am making up my mind and I need a little more time to announce my retirement. It is a humble request from a dedicated servant of cricket and I would feel happy if you oblige me.

                                                                                                                         Thank you

                                                                                                                               Sachin